Catch of the day

Shopping for cover needn't be horrible... all you need do is make one call to Torribles!

Now we know why I didn't pursue a career in advertising. Never mind, as an actor I can pretend to be many things that are closed to me in the real world - like owning my own chip shop. I would be a natural at welcoming customers and regaling them with tall stories. Just don't put me in charge of 40 litres of hot fat. Mind you, with the right insurance in place I might not be such a liability.

Fortunately for all the underwriters out there this is the nearest I'll come to realising my dream. I have been told fish and chip shops are notoriously difficult to insure. It's all to do with the fire risk.

So I have decided to find out just how difficult it can be. My oracle, who must go unnamed, gave me a few tips to prepare myself and sent me a reputable insurer's proposal form to give me some idea of the questions I might be asked by my broker victim. It was very detailed. I decided to do some serious research.

I have decided to focus on the West Country - Devon to be precise. It just so happens that I have friends in Exmouth who I am sure would not mind turning their three-bedroom, mid-terrace house into a chippy for the purposes of my little ruse.

Now for a name. Do I go for the traditional Happy Fryer, Tony's Plaice or even The Codfather, or do I attempt to bring the great British culinary artform into the 21st century? Then it comes to me in blinding flash - drum roll - I'll call it Chip and Fin.

I find a website containing some unwitting student's coursework, putting forward a business proposal to open a fish and chip shop. This I duly plunder. Next is security and fire fighting equipment. No shortage of info on that.

A visit to a south Devon estate agent's site gives me an indication of the sort of commercial properties out there and how much they go for.

Of course, I mustn't forget the crowning glory - my fish frying range. I find www.hopkins-catering.co.uk to be very helpful, especially when I ring them for advice and details of their various models. I decide on the traditional British counter range.

With my part thoroughly researched it's time to select my hapless victim. I choose Torribles of Exeter, partly because they're far enough away from Exmouth not to catch me out and partly because I like the Dickensian name. I waste no time and pick up the phone.

I am greeted by one Tim Williams. We get straight to business. He asks me obvious questions; I give him pre-rehearsed answers. I describe the Victorian double-fronted, mid-terrace chip shop that I'm in the process of buying and volunteer my friends' address in Exmouth - thanks Rani and Mark.

Buildings cove
We discuss rebuild value for the buildings cover, which I say is £300,000. This is inclusive of a three-bedroom flat above the business, soon to be the sole abode of my wife and I and our teenage son. Tim says this will endear me to most insurers, as living on the premises ensures extra security against fire risk. I confidently detail the make, type and situation of my extinguishers.

I confirm that the premises are alarmed and that external doors have regulation locks. The trade fixtures and fittings (all inclusive of purchase) are valued at £30,000.

Next to the business itself. I give a start date six weeks away to inject some urgency. Stock at any one time is not likely to exceed £1,000, exclusive of frozen food which should not exceed £800. Tim's reaction suggests this figure is not too wide of the mark.

We move on to employers' liability. Tim says £10m is the standard amount, with £2m for public and products liability. On a cautionary note, he stresses that the terms would be dependant on business hours not exceeding 11pm. He asks me if I have experience in this field. I tell him no. What sort of training would my staff and I be looking at? I explain that, as a family, we will be attending an intensive course after which we should have the necessary certificates to prove it.

Thankfully Tim presses no further, instead wishing me luck and saying he has enough information. He will see what he can come up with and get back to me by the end of next week. He explains that the longer I'm prepared to wait, the better chance there is of him acquiring a truly competitive quote.

I must say I'm disappointed he didn't ask about my fish frying range now that I'm an expert. My sample proposal form asks for make and age of fryer and is loaded with stipulations about thermostats and service records. I was also surprised Tim didn't ask for the first year's anticipated turnover.

But most surprising of all, he commended me for being so organised - that's got to be a first. Apparently most people shopping for quotes don't have the relevant information to hand.

A week elapses and, true to his word, Tim rings back with his first quote. The underwriters are MMA and the premium is £2,500 - the top end of my oracle's prediction (who told me to expect a figure between that and £1,800). Like a hound catching the scent, Tim is eager to better the quote. He offers to send me the policy summary out of interest and I thank him for his efforts and let him off the lead.

Two days later I receive a policy summary, but it's not from MMA - Tim's only gone and found me a commercial insurance policy from Fortis, an Insurance Times award winner for three years in a row. I'm impressed. This quote is a leaner £2,272.48.

Few surprise
Torribles' cover letter is simple, modern in appearance and clearly laid out. It comes with a statement of demands and needs, price, suitability and a list of endorsements with exclusions. There is also Torribles' terms of insurance business agreement.

The enclosed Fortis summary holds few surprises. It carries a policy excess of £150, with £50 for money, and exclusions for liability, terrorism, take-away delivery and the presence of asbestos. As I expected, there are strict stipulations concerning the maintenance and operation of cooking equipment. Disposal of waste also has strict provisos.

I decide to ring Tim to see how the hunt is going. Since we last spoke, he's cornered the Fortis hare and bitten a further £112.48 off the premium, bringing it to £2,160. There will be kibbles all round at this rate.

I ask why the figure £0 appears under fees in the Torribles price section. Tim explains how the commission works. When pressed for a percentage, he volunteers a conservative 16%.

Non-commercial polic
I am concerned about domestic contents as they don't seem to be covered in the policy. Tim recommends I look for a non-commercial policy as it would cost more to have personal effects included in a commercial one. I ask whether I should consider additional cover for legal expenses. Tim says he'll see what's on offer and get back to me. The hunt is on again.

The weekend passes. Come Tuesday I am concerned that Tim is off the scent altogether. I decide to ring him and he apologises for not getting back to me sooner. He has unearthed a quote for legal cover at £70 plus insurance premium tax, but suggests that such cover might be overkill as good commercial insurance will honour genuine claims accordingly.

Tim says he has approached Norwich Union, Axa and Zurich for further quotes but none match Fortis's value for money. He then exercises restraint by pointing out that the terms are subject to a full survey. Suddenly sad that I'll never get to show off my shiny new fryer, I thank him again and say I'll be in touch soon.

So as not to leave Tim a lurcher - sorry, in the lurch - I will email him to say he's been framed and give him a publication date. I'm sure Torribles will be very pleased with him. Exmouth, on the other hand, will never know what it has missed. Rani and Mark can have their house back. As for me, plenty more fish in the sea. IT